Boyz from the Dwarf enter Core Space

In preparation for getting the Smegheads on the table, other than getting them painted, they need some rules. The Core Space character generation system is really fun and intuitive. There are loads of variables to bring your chosen characters to life. I started out on paper, thinking about each of the dwarfers personality traits and the looking to reflect that in their skills and stats whilst keeping the points level in the right ballpark.

With the plotting done, it was time to download the customisable photoshop files from Battle Systems website and put the character boards together. I’m a bit out of practise with photoshop so it was a bit of a fiddle, but all of the layers and icons were provided so it was possible to get them looking just like the ‘proper’ ones in the game.

“Salvage Run”

1. Int. Red Dwarf sleeping quarters.

KRYTEN enters the room where LISTER, CAT and RIMMER are waiting.

LISTER: So what’s the happs Krytes, where are we?

KRYTEN: That’s a very good question Sir, but one of only two questions you should be asking.  Just as important as ‘where are we?’ is ‘WHEN are we?’

RIMMER: So where are we?

LISTER: And when are we?

CAT: And WHO are we?

All eyes turn to CAT.

CAT:  Hey, there were only two questions, and there are three of us, I just wanted the chance to look smart too.

LISTER and RIMMER shake their heads and turn their attention back to KRYTEN.

KRYTEN: So as you know Sirs, when we installed and fired up the rogue simulant’s Jump Drive and set course for Earth, Red Dwarf was dematerialised, catapulted across space, and rematerialised in view of a spiral galaxy very reminiscent of our own Milky Way.

LISTER: Yeah, so is it ours? Is Earth down there? Are we home?

CAT: Hey, three questions? Don’t hog them all! That’s enough to go around!

KRYTEN: Scanners indicate that this is indeed the Milky Way Sir.  However, when we programmed the Jump Drive with one of Red Dwarf’s previous locations, and a previous time within its existence, the small error margin in each calculation has resulted in us landing a smidge later than intended.

RIMMER looks despairingly at Kryten.

RIMMER: What galactic standard unit of time constitutes a ‘smidge’ you goit?  Seriously, I’ve got an electric pencil sharpener looking for a promotion, and you’re in its sights meladdo.

KRYTEN: Best guess, this is about 1000 years after Red Dwarf left the Solar System, 1000 years after YOU killed all of the crew Sir.

RIMMER shrinks back looking sheepish.

LISTER: So, when I was in stasis?

KRYTEN: Exactly Sir.

LISTER: 1000 years isn’t so bad, the human race will still be alive, Earth shouldn’t be so different.

RIMMER: 1000 years of evolution?  Look how civilisation advanced in the previous 1000 years.  The humans of today will look at you like you look at that curry stain on your vest.

KRYTEN:  Exactly Sir, and scanners also indicate that the Galaxy as a whole might not be exactly how you remember.  Something is VERY different.  Something very strange happened in those 1000 years.

LISTER: What is? What’s different?

KRYTEN: The energy signatures around the galactic core have changed significantly.  We’re too far away to get a full reading Sir, suggest we move in with caution and take a closer look.

2. Int. Starbug Cockpit

LISTER and CAT are piloting. RIMMER and KRYTEN are at their stations.

LISTER:  Good idea suggesting we take Starbug, Kryten, hopefully if there is anything hostile down there we can slip by unnoticed.

RIMMER: Compared to going in on a big red carnival float with a “kick me” sign on its back?  I’m with you on that one.

KRYTEN:  There seems to be a small communications outpost coming into range.  No life signs.  Suggest we dock with it and see what data it holds.

3. Ext. Starbug closes in on space station.

4. Int. Starbug Cockpit.

LISTER: Docking complete.

KRYTEN: Accessing the station’s mainframe now Sir.  No encryption.  Data inloading.   Oh dear….

LISTER: What is it Krytes?

KRYTEN: Oh my…
CAT: Something doesn’t smell right…

LISTER: Kryten?

RIMMER: Spit it out Captain U-Bend or I’ll demote you to urinal cake dispenser.

KRYTEN: I’m not sure how to tell you this Sirs, it appears we’ve…

5. Ext. Explosion.Space station self destructs and Starbug cartwheels out of shot.

6. Int. Starbug cockpit.Spinning. Crew unconscious.

7. Ext. Starbug spinning through wormhole-like structure. Emerges into normal space. Spins into view of another, larger space station.

8. Int. Starbug cockpit. Spinning. LISTER, CAT and RIMMER slowly open their eyes.  LISTER punches a button.  Starbug gradually stabilises.

LISTER: Retros engaged.

RIMMER: Stabilisers online.

CAT: Perfectly good trousers ruined!

KRYTEN jerks back into consciousness.

KRYTEN: My apologies Sirs, the massive data inload coupled with the impending explosion overloaded my neural circuits and took me offline for a second there.

LISTER: We all blacked out. Starbug’s fried.  Engines are dead.  Retro thrust only.  What the hell happened?

KRYTEN:  I think I can explain Sir.  Suggest we recover Starbug to that space station.  It appears to be sparsely inhabited but it should be quite safe for now.  I can fill you in while we assess the damage.

9. Ext. Starbug puffs and splutters its way erratically to the space station.

10. Int. Starbug midships

The four crew members are sat around the table.  LISTER cracks open a can of lager.  CAT has changed outfits.  KRYTEN is holding a data slate.

LISTER: So you’re telling me that we are now somewhere near the galactic centre?

KRYTEN: Yes Sir.

LISTER: We’ve travelled thousands of light years in a few hours through another reality called Core Space?

KRYTEN: Yes Sir.

LISTER: And a semi-sentient race of humanoid machines are out to harvest all of the biomass from the galaxy?

Kryten: The Purge. Yes Sir.

CAT: If I had a dollar for every time we encountered a crazy bunch of androids looking to wipe us out, I’d be able to buy a wardrobe full of golden suits.  So what’s new?

KRYTEN: What’s new is that this threat is quite real.  The Purge are very effective at their work.  A hive mind guides them towards organic activity and they are never far away in this place.  Starbug is in need of extensive repair, we have no way out.

RIMMER: So all in all, a right royal balls up.  Fantastic.

LISTER: So what are our options?

KRYTEN: We need to repair Starbug and get far away from the core.  For that we’ll need parts.  To get the parts we’ll need equipment, something to trade, and weapons to protect ourselves.

LISTER: We’ve got a couple of bazookoids in the munitions cabinet.  If a Purge comes near me I’ll fill it full of so many holes its friends will use it as a tea strainer

KRYTEN:  Unfortunately our bazookoids will be of little help against the Purge Sir.  They are quite formidable. We’ll need to find, or trade for, something more powerful. Our only option is to explore this space station and see what we can find.

11. Int. Starbug’s airlock. LISTER and CAT are loading bazookoids. KRYTEN has his scanner at the ready.

RIMMER: Do you know, I’ve been thinking.  It would be strategically sensible, strategically speaking, for one of us to remain here and man the scanners.  You know, for strategic purposes.  Someone, some brave dependable soul, to keep an eye out and alert you to danger should it appear.  As the strategist among us I think it makes sense, much to my reluctance, for it to be me.

LISTER: You really are a yellow-bellied, cowardly, weaseley little smeghead aren’t you Rimmer?

KRYTEN: Despite Mr Rimmer’s clear and obvious attempts to hide his own cowardice, it might actually be a wise suggestion.  Starbug’s sensors are more powerful that this handheld unit.  We’d get much earlier warning of danger.

RIMMER: Strategically speaking.

LISTER: Smeghead. Right, let’s do this.  We’re going in.

12. Int. Space Station landing bay.

The airlock opens and LISTER, CAT and KRYTEN emerge.

KRYTEN: Remember Sirs, it won’t take long for the Purge to be alerted to our presence.  We must move quickly.

LISTER: Get in, fill your pockets, get out.  No messing around.

CAT: Something’s strange, the ground feels all wibbly.

KRYTEN: An initial piece of good luck – the artificial gravity generator is cycling.  For a couple of minutes we’ll be lighter, and therefore faster.

RIMMER (over intercom): Scanners are showing this is some kind of warehouse. Mostly empty but there are a number of rooms and limited stores.  There is also a central data room.  I can’t download it remotely but if we can get a hold of the data we might be able to use it to survive in this godforsaken place long enough to repair and get away.  There also appear to be 3 life forms already inside.  Civilians by the looks of it.  Probably looking for the good stuff as well.

LISTER:  Spread out guys. Cat, you’re fastest – go for the furthest rooms.  Kryten, see if you can get that data.  I’m going to see what’s down that corridor.

13. Int. Space Station storeroom. CAT spots a civilian searching the room. The civilian sees CAT, stops and walks towards him.

CAT: Easy there bud, I’m not going to hurt ya.

KAORI: Not with that thing you’re not, where did you get an antique like that?

CAT: I’ll have you know this is a state of the art bazookoid.  It’s mine, you can’t have it.

KAORI: I don’t want it.

CAT: Just as well because it’s mine.

KAORI: I do need a knife though, do you have one of those?

CAT: I do, but that’s mine too.

KAORI: Would you like to trade?  I got a nice shield belt.  It’s worth way more than a knife.

CAT: No, the knife is mine.

KAORI dangles the shield belt like a piece of string and jiggles it around.

KAORI: Are you sure you don’t want it?

CAT:  Well….er….it is kind of shiny….ok, here, take the knife. What do you want it for anyway?

KAORI: I can’t stab a Purge in the eye with a shield belt.

CAT:  Glad I asked…..

CAT turns away from KAORI and speaks over the intercom.

CAT: The locals seem nice, made a nice trade.  I got a dangly stringy thing with pretty lights on it!

LISTER: There’s a guy down this corridor, let me see what he knows about- aaargh he shot me!

KRYTEN: Are you ok Sir?

LISTER: I’ve got a bullet in my arm, but I’ll live.  The smegger just shot me then ran away!

KRYTEN: This place may be more hostile that we feared.  Mr Rimmer, are there any Purge on the scanners?

RIMMER: Negative.  All clear.

14. Int. Corridor.LISTER, arm now bandaged, searches a small crate.

LISTER: Hey, there’s guns in here.  Good ones. I’m dumping the bazookoid and taking both.

CAT: The string girl missed this crate.  I found a rifle and some ammo.

KRYTEN:I’ve made it to the data room.  The terminal seems to be operational. I’ve also found an energy rifle and an energy baton in a box here.

15. Int. data room. CAT joins KRYTEN in the data room. There is a distant bang and a scream.

RIMMER: Er, guys.  Scanners indicate that something has entered from another dock.  Its energy signature seems to match the Harvester class Purge. Oh, and the number of lifeform readings has reduced by one.  I think one of the civilians has bought it.

CAT: Maybe we should get out of here, I’ve already ruined one good pair of trousers today, I can’t afford to lose another.

LISTER: It’s just one android.  We’ve all got good weapons now, we can take it on.  And we still need that data.

KRYTEN: Working on it Sir.

16. Int.Corridor. LISTER turns to see the stranger who has reappeared and fires at him again.  LISTER ducks for cover.

LISTER: Smegging hell, the git just shot at me again.  Missed luckily.

KRYTEN: According to the staff terminal his name is Butler. He’s in charge of this facility, and takes his job very seriously.

LISTER: He’ll be in charge of eating his dinner through a straw when I get hold of him.

17. Int. Storeroom.KAORI engages with CAT again

KAORI: So do you want to buy some intel?

CAT: What kind of intel? Like, where the tailor is around here?

KAORI: Good intel, the kind only an insider would know.  Like where to find the good stuff, and how to avoid the Purge? Just two thousand credits.

CAT: Do these slacks look like they have pockets?  I ain’t got that kinda cash.

KAORI: Screw you then, your loss.

CAT turns to speak over intercom.  Behind CAT’s back, KAORI leans in to listen.

CAT: String girl is back.  She says she’s got good intel but she wants money.

LISTER: We don’t have money, and how do we know we can trust the intel?

KRYTEN: I’ve accessed the data files sir.  Mr Rimmer, prepare to receive upload.  I think this is all the intel we need.

CAT: So we don’t need string girl’s intel anyway?

KAORI: The name’s KAORI!

LISTER: We can never have too much intel, but we don’t have any cash.  How about she comes with us and we pay her when we’ve sold some of this stuff?

CAT: I guess you heard. So how about it?

KAORI: I don’t need anyone. Kaori works alone.

RIMMER: Guys, don’t want to alarm you but another Harvester has arrived. It’s joined the other one and they are on the move.

CAT turns to a worried looking Kaori.

CAT: So how about it now? Still want to go it alone?

KAORI: Alright, I’ll help you if you get me out of here.

18. Int. Corridor.BUTLER, arms raised, emerges from cover and walks towards LISTER.

BUTLER:  There, um, appears to have been a misunderstanding. You see, I’ve been having problems with thieves and vandals of late and I thought you were one of them.  Please accept my sincere apologies.  I will of course pay for the repairs to your jacket and any medical attention you require.

LISTER: You tried to kill me!

BUTLER: As I say, just a little misunderstanding.  Now, I wonder if we might come to some arrangement…

LISTER: Let me guess. You’ve noticed that the Purge have arrived to harvest your biomass and now all of a sudden you need some friends?

BUTLER:  You have an interesting way with words, but in essence you are correct.  No-one knows this facility as well as me.  Give me transit out of here and I’ll help you escape.

LISTER: Well, we’ve got more work to do here, but if you want to help, head back to the dock, cover our escape route and await our return.  Then if you turn a blind eye to what’s in our pockets, we’ll give you a ride out of here.

BUTLER:  Deal.

19. Int. Starbug cockpit.RIMMER is reading the scanners and speaking into the intercom.

RIMMER: Chaps, I’m reading a coolant leak. Seems the Purge have upped the anti.  If you use any energy weapons there’s a chance you’ll ignite the air and yourselves with it.  That means YOU Kryten.  Those new toys of yours are now suicide sticks.

KRYTEN: Understood Sir

20. Int. Data room. KRYTEN, CAT and KAORI are about to leave when two Harvesters appear in the doorway. They turn around and another Harvester appears in the other doorway.

CAT: We’re surrounded!

KRYTEN taps frantically on a data pad and two Harvesters fall to the floor.

CAT: Woah, nice trick, what did you do?

KRYTEN: I managed to hack their frequency and shut them down Sir, not easy to do but we got lucky this time.

LISTER: Guys, I’m coming your way.  Harvester up ahead, I’m taking a shot.

LISTER pulls the trigger, it fires wildly.  He fires again and it clicks but nothing happens.

LISTER: Oh no, it’s jammed.

CAT: It’s still coming for us

KAORI: You guys are useless.

KAORI pulls out a gun and shoots the Harvester dead.

CAT: Woah, nice shot string girl!

RIMMER: No Purge signatures left.  You have a clear run out of there.

LISTER: No Purge means that we’ve got time to do some more scavenging.  Let’s check the remaining rooms.

KRYTEN: Are you sure that’s wise Sir? We’ve got as much equipment as we can carry and the Purge could return at any moment.

LISTER: I’m not leaving here without the parts to repair the ‘Bug, or stuff we can sell to buy the parts. One more run, let’s do it.

CAT: I’ve got a bad feeling about this…

21. Int. Various.Shots of LISTER, CAT and KRYTEN searching rooms and crates, inspecting contents, swapping out gear and discarding items.

CAT: Woah, this is definitely mine!

LISTER: What have you found CAT?

CAT: It’s a big, heavy punchy shooty thing.

KRYTEN: Does it have an ident stamp Sir?

CAT: Oh yeah, it says ‘Juggernaut Riot Fist’.  I’m keeping it, this is mine.

22. Int. Landing bay.BUTLER looks at his watch impatiently.After some consideration he leaves his post and walks off, shaking his head.

23. Int. RIMMER calls into intercom

RIMMER: Guys, it’s the Purge again.  Harvesters. Two of them.  They’re moving your way. Fast.

24. Int. Corridor.KAORI fires into the darkness. A Harvester falls, crackling with electric discharge.

RIMMER: Kryten!  Incoming!

KRYTEN: I’m going to have to shoot with the energy rifle.  Wish me luck.

KRYTEN fires, winces, and is relieved to see the weapon doesn’t ignite.  The Harvester drops dead.

25. Int. Another corridor. A bullet hits the wall by LISTER’s head.  LISTER spins to see BUTLER in the doorway, gun smoking.

LISTER: What the hell, guy?

BUTLER: I have decided that our deal is off.  I feel that turning you over to the Galactic Corps and taking back those expensive weapons would be more profitable to me than a temporary escape.

LISTER: I’m normally a calm and peaceful guy, but you are really starting to get on my pecs.  Fine, the deal is off.

LISTER shoots Butler dead and heads back towards the landing bay.

26. Int. Starbug cockpit.RIMMER is standing, hands to his head, screaming into the intercom.

RIMMER: Get out of there now!  Now!

LISTER: What is it now, Rimmer?

RIMMER: Purge!  Lots of them!  Harvesters, Devastators, Assassin, Live One – I don’t know what half of those are but according to the files Kryten uploaded they are progressively more and more powerful.  Hardly anyone has faced a Live One and lived to tell the tale!

LISTER: Sounds like scarper time.  Grab your loot guys and get back to the ‘Bug.

27. Int. Landing bay.As the crew approach the airlock, KAORI turns and starts to head back into the facility.

LISTER: Hey, where are you going?  You’ve saved our bacon more than once, now it’s our turn, you’re coming with us.

KAORI:  You guys are cool, but Kaori don’t need anyone.  Kaori works alone.

CAT: Don’t be crazy, string girl.  This place is swarming with Purge, going back is suicide.

KAORI:  Take my chances.  Kaori works alone

KRYTEN: If I may ma’am. My mediscan has detected an anomaly within your abdomen.  You don’t have long to live.  And I think you know this.  Am I right?

KAORI: Don’t know what you’re talking about.

KRYTEN: We may be short on money and supplies, but in our ship we do have advanced medical resources – healing you would be a fairly routine operation.  I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve regenerated various of Mr Lister’s organs.  There are very few original body parts left.

KAORI: Well, I don’t really want to die.  But I don’t like being in debt.  Kaori works alone.  But if you say that you owe me for saving your lives then, well, I suppose that would make us even.

KRYTEN: Of course ma’am. Right this way..

28. Ext. Starbug undocks from the space station and puffs and splutters its way out into space.

It’s cold outside, there’s no kind of atmosphere

I’m all alone, more or less…