Collins Does Solo RPG ‘The Wretched’

Day 13, salvage ship The Wretched, Flight Engineer Collins Reporting.

Another day another broken system… the water recycler has started acting up. My morning cup of tea had a strange aroma to it. I’m sure if I had time and a committee of marketers or publicists I would be able to package it in a mildly fancy box, create a 6 second advert and then sell it to daft rich people as an exotic, super deluxe, top banana, ammonia smelling cup of tea rather than the reality of tea made with piss… I spent breakfast hoping that it was something as simple as the filters that needed changing. I know they don’t last forever and the system we have here is old tech. A better system is either evapsep or fresep but both of those take a lot of energy to run. The old school filters do the thing with the fraction of the power draw but the deterioration of the filters as the pours in the membrane fill up the overall effectiveness continually reduces. I had to go digging through Powell’s manuals to figure out where to swap the filters over. That bit only took 4 hours. Finding the damn filters took so much longer as I didn’t know where they were. Then installing it took all of 5 minutes. 4 clips, a gate, 2 clamps and that’s it. I did forget to shut off the running water just before the filters so I did get a bit wet doing it which was frustrating but not the end of the world.

As a side note, I’ve noticed that I’m cursing a lot more now. I have become more irritable at the incredibly minor things. Miss my mouth with food/drink, FFS. Drop a tool when working, FFS. Stub my toe or bang my head, FFS! It is probably the strain of the situation I find myself in now that is getting to me. I definitely could do with a break. 13 days living in a death trap with circling sharks is really tough. A nice get away somewhere warm with some cool, citrus, mint and sugar spirit concoctions. Oh, and only humans allowed… no creepy creatures… they can all fuck off.

Day 13 Entry 2, salvage ship The Wretched, Flight Engineer Collins Reporting.

Oh for fucks sake! Now something else has broken. Something pretty important to convenience. The artificial gravity projector has crapped out on me… right in the middle of dinner. The first I knew of it my tummy felt slightly weird and I was hit in the face by a bunch of gravity defying peas that had flown off my fork in intriguing slow motion.

So now me and my gravy-stained shirt have spent all evening trying to work our way to the bowels of the ship to try and fix the issue. It was easier said than done, the corridors on this ship don’t have handholds to monkey crawl hand over fist on. Sure they’re not exactly smooth but it’s not like the exterior of the ship where handholds are deliberately installed with tether anchor points as a backup for when your mag boots fail. On the way through the corridors most things were where I left them, but every time I moved past something or touched something it would move and then not settle, just bounce around. I’m going to have a lot of cleaning to do tomorrow when I can be bothered.

Anyway, I got down there and started running checks on the system. The main things all seemed to be working well. The gauge dials were gauging, the lights were lighting, the knobs all turned… just the make everything stay on the ground bit wasn’t doing the staying on the ground thing. It got to the point that I ditched to FAQ guide and reverted to button mashing and percussive maintenance.

I don’t know why it happened but I now know I have one hell of a pain in my elbow. Randomly gravity abruptly returned and the angle I was floating at led me to landing elbow first on the grating floor which is surprisingly sharp for a mostly flat surface. At first it was funny but now the pain is getting beyond uncomfortable and a muscle in my arm has swollen in a really weird way. I still have reasonably good use of it but I certainly will need to keep an eye on it for the next day or two.

Music (Drifting – Chris Bissette)

Day 14, salvage ship The Wretched, Flight Engineer Collins Reporting.

Today I took a work light day. I have a painful elbow afterall so couldn’t do much manual labour like lifting and shifting. So obviously I decided to tidy up everything that fell over, floated away and generally made a mess when the gravity failed yesterday. Yeah I know, pretty stupid but it is not a serious injury and the doctor has some wonderful drugs in the infirmary pharmacy cupboard to help with pain and swelling.

I knocked it on the head at about lunch time and treated myself to a bacon sandwich. It was banging. I then turned to finalising the second hiding hole.

So I have one in the captain’s ready room and a second one towards the rear of the cargobay. Whilst searching for a few other things I found a pretty cool room that has a lockable door and an escape route under the flooring. It’s some kind of maintenance access leading back into the cargobay, I think it’s so vehicle maintenance can be done should we be carrying heavy goods wagons etc. Either way it seems to make sense to me to have a few ways in/out of a hiding place just incase one access route is blocked.

I packed in there some sleeping gear, crude blunt force trauma weapons, some tools, food and a first aid kit, just some basics. I’ll make it a bit more homely in due course but I’m not in a rush to do it today, the basics are enough for now. I spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out on the bridge staring out at the stars again. And trying to figure out what that occasional sensor ping is.

Music (What is it? – Chris Bissette)

Mission Day 243, Independent trade ship Errant Venture, Captain Terrick reporting.

We have been slowing tracking towards the MayDay call. It is moving. We were heading directly to it’s reported last known position but now we’ve noticed that it has been slowly moving each time it broadcasts. That means that we have now basically been going in a wide arc to reach it. That’s frustrating. It uses up too much fuel, fuel has cost, those costs are not insignificant. The price of their rescue increases all the time the muck us around like this. Eventually we will end up arriving behind them which should make it easier for us to dock, we can match their speed and be travelling in the same direction already so at least that’s not going to be inefficient.

Woah, wait, what was that?!

…

…

…

Conn reports a massive light pulse off the port bow, blue in colour, that’s odd. We’ll replay the sighting and parse it through the sensors to see what they make of it. Looks like something went bang though, and in a big way too.

Music (Between the Stars – Chris Bissette)

Day 15, salvage ship The Wretched, Flight Engineer Collins Reporting.

Today I found the magic button. Before when farting about trying to fix the engines I was using percussive maintenance to solve many issues, primarily with the maintenance jack. It’s a cracking tool and is a jack of all but sometimes you really need the right tool for the right job. And in this instance I really needed the Ion Torch. I suspect it’s the prime reason that I couldn’t get them sealed up tight last time I took them apart. It was in the most unlikely of places, on top of a locker near a grate that was half cut. Whenever it all went south Powell must have been working in this area at the time. Don’t know what he was doing trying to cut the grate off, seems a bit of an odd thing to do but then what do I know.

I spent most of the day taking apart the section of engine I think the main problem with pressure was in, cleaning it again, rebuilding and Ion sealing the parts that I think needed it. I’m reasonably confident I did a good enough job of it. Most of the job was quite neat too, took a little while to get used to how the torch works but imagine having the right tools for the right job all the time.

The next part of fixing the engines and priming them for a restart was to reset sections of the mainframe, it would allow for a clean warm up, priming and then firing.

I had to get the Captain’s keycard to bypass the do not pass line on the bridge and descend into the bowels of the ship to the mainframe. I found it surprisingly easy to force the restart. I was expecting several layers of security with passcodes, phrases and prayers to the digital ship controlling gods. None of it was needed and the mainframe even knew I wasn’t the captain and guided me through the process I wanted to do. Seemed needlessly helpful, clearly the computer knows what is happening and who is now left in charge, even if it is only in charge by default. I ran several diagnostic checks on key elements. A lot of the same errors I had seen from the bridge were noted. The engines were still listed as a critical failure. It didn’t indicate dangerous, only critical so I think it might be something that’s bunged up the software somehow. Once I’ve fired them up and they’re running I’m sure a lot of the critical part of the error will disappear. I’ll know what parts of the engine do and don’t work with optimum efficiency then. And to be fair, I don’t need beautifully purring kitten engines. I need simple limp home and minor directional control engines. We’ll see.

With everything prepped I decided to take a break and eat some dinner. I had flame grilled mixed meats, gluten block and a salad of mixed veg and leaves. Was rather tasty. In about an hour or so I’ll try and restart this puppy and they and do a solid bit of self-rescue. Wish me luck!

Music (Malfunction – Chris Bissette)

AUDIO LOG RECORDING <START>

Fuck fuck fuck. Is this thing on? Is it working? Work you bitch!

Ok…It’s all gone wrong! I fired up the engines, got them started and then BAM! Fire alarms.

I’ve shut the doors around the engine bays that are burning. Fire suppressant activating… come on… come on baby don’t let me down!

No no no why aren’t you working?!? This isn’t supposed to be how it happens! You’re supposed to put the fire out! Why aren’t the alarms stopping?!?

Ok think Josh think…

I’m sealing the bulkheads! This is a bad idea but I don’t have time to think properly. I need to get the fire into space and away from me, there’s still just too much fuel in that part of the ship. How Do I eject the engine clusters?

Ok… Disengaging locking clamps… God why is this so slow?

Come on!!!

What do you mean am I sure I wish to continue!?! Yes this is an emergency, just do as I say dammit!

Priming expulsion system…

Firing explosive bolts, Now…

Christ that was loud… Shunting

Detachment complete, phew… ok breathe…

Oh no, it’s not going anywhere… I need it to go away faster, go faster… err it’s starting to spin, that can’t be good…

No, not good, not good! OH SHI…

AUDIO LOG RECORDING <END>

Music (Game Over Man – Chris Bissette)

Day 16, salvage ship The Wretched, Flight Engineer Collins Reporting.

Ok so I think it’s clear now that I’m dead. And as I’m dead I no long need to keep up the facade of being the mega cool survivor super hero man. The coolest thing I’ve done in my life is have a family and the coolest thing I’ve done since the incident is carry my daughter’s teddy bear with me everywhere.

This was to be my last trip out, and now sadly looks like it will be my last trip out. My daughter presented me with her teddy bear and said he needed an adventure with me as she couldn’t come. She refused to play with him until we both came home, saying that I needed to play with him and keep him happy so he didn’t miss her. I kept him on my bunk shelf but since it all went south I have kept him with me poking out of my pocket. He’s seen everything, been there through it all and knows what it’s really like to have a spaceborne adventure. I was hoping that we’d all be able to have a tea party and share stories of our adventures when I got back but now I’ll never see Evelynn again and her teddy will never be played with again…

Music (Empty space – Chris Bissette)

Day 17, salvage ship The Wretched, Flight Engineer Collins Reporting.

Ok so let’s recap what happened over the last few days. I found the ion torch, I fixed the engines, I reset the mainframe to allow for a clean reboot and start up sequence. I basically fixed the ship… then promptly blew it up.

It didn’t kill me though… bloody nearly did but I jettisoned the whole engine module of the ship before it blew. I saved most of the ship. That would usually be cause for celebration but really all it brought me was a crushing sense of defeat. I spent all of yesterday moping about and thinking of how I’ll never get to see the cheeky little smile again. I have no way to fix the propulsion system now that I don’t have one, no way to correct the course I’m on, which by the way has had a massive increase in speed thanks to the explosion giving me a hefty shunt, so basically no way to stop should I be pointed at a star, nebula, gravity mass, anything! I’m truly at the mercy of the space gods

The only benefit is that I haven’t seen any sign of the murderous stowaway for a few days now which is good because I basically have a huge hole in the ship. I might as well have left the front door open with a flashing neon sign saying ‘free dinner’.

I have however neglected the pings on the sensor that kept showing up before. Well today I was able to get a half decent scan of it. It’s an engine signature, pretty big one too. Seems to a long way off though but every time I catch a glimpse of it, it has moved…

Moved towards me!!!

This is amazing. Somebody heard my message and is on their way to get me! I haven’t felt this good since… I don’t know, but a long time ago!

I did some rough back of the napkin maths and discovered that with my increased velocity and their current closing speed they must be going 0.2 faster than me. That would mean that they would reach me is somewhere between 15 – 21 days time. Oh this is so good!

Hmmm… that’s odd, there is a loud scraping noise reverbing around the ship. It’s probably a bit of debris slowly making its way along what’s left of the hull… I suppose I should still go check it out though, can’t have the ship being torn a new one when it’s got a big ol’ hole in its butt already, if anyone tries to salvage this ship they’re gonna be sorely disappointed at its value…

Music (Drifting – Chris Bissette)

EVA SUIT – COLLINS – AUDIO LOG RECORDING <START>

Right, it’s all gone wrong so I’ll have to be quick here. The scraping noise wasn’t debris and it wasn’t outside the ship. It became skittering and banging noises and was then very clearly inside the ship.

I’ve gotten myself into an EVA suit, the captain’s pistol in one hand and am stood in the cargo bay right in front of the main bay doors with the control remote in the other.

I’m going to try and lure it in through the main access door then get it to charge at me. When it does I’ll be shooting at it and immediately opening the bay doors. With any luck I’ll hit it and it’ll fly out the bay with no chance of grabbing anything on the way out! I’ve got myself tethered to the deck so when I spring this trap I don’t fly out and die in the process.

If this doesn’t work, can whoever finds me give the teddy in my left trouser pocket to my daughter.

It’s just a waiting game now…

Ah here you are you mother fucker!

TIME FOR YOU TO GET OFF MY SHIP!!!

*BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BABAM*

EVA SUIT – COLLINS – AUDIO LOG RECORDING <END>

Music – (Game Over – Chris Bissette)

Mission Day 263, Independent trade ship Errant Venture, Captain Terrick reporting.

The other members of the crew are dead. They were killed by something I’ve never seen before. It was fast, killing without mercy. I now know why there was a mayday call from The Wretched. Last time I help somebody in distress.

Life support systems are nominal, weapons are depleted, significant damage to the ship’s drive system. With a little luck I will be able to repair it and the emergency comms system and call the company for aid. I don’t know where the alien is. I know it’s injured though, I definitely shot it on its way out the airlock.

This is Captain Terrick, sole survivor of The Errant Venture, signing off…

Take a moment,

Breathe.

Now the story is over we can return to the book/guide I bought for more flavour text.

It’s content goes as follows.

What happened? Did you light the beacon? Did rescue come, snatching you way from a cold lonely death?

Or did the creature take you? Did you start into its maw as it descended, one final victim to a nameless horror?

You tried to repair the engines. You had hope that it could be done. Everything you know about the situation you were in told you it could be done.

That was a lie.

You have been telling a story during this game, but the story begain before you drew your first card. The rules in this book are a story and they were told to you by an unreliable narrator – the human capacity for hope, and the desire to survive against the odds.

There was never any hope of you repairing the ship. No matter how many tasks you completed. The engines were never going to fire again. The best you could do was to survive long enough for help to come and even that was unlikely.

You were doomed from the start. And somewhere inside you you knew this, even as you were desperately clinging onto hope.

You may not have survived but the log of your final days lives on. What becomes of it now? Will it be found by a salvage ship much like yours, to serve as a warning for those intending to brave the cold depths of space? Did you pass it onto your rescuers, a chronicle of what you went through?

Or is it lost forever, adrift in the black where nobody will hear your words again?

When you close this book, put down this game, what will become of all you have done here?

You are unlikely to be remembered…

Wow… Just Wow. What a ride… to tell you the truth I am exhausted with it, it does take a lot of effort to try and write something that is enjoyable for yourself, nevermind the people who come to read it. Clearly some of you have really enjoyed it and been following along the way. Thank you for slogging it out, there were some real naff entries that you had to put up with but occasionally I got on a roll and think I put out a gem or two.

If I was to do it again I think I would try and record them as video logs or actual audio logs. That would be cool and have a ‘The Martian’ film vibe to it rather than this ‘The Martian’ the book crossed with ALIEN and stolen characters from Star Wars vibe.

If you want to have a go at one of these yourself, tag me in it so I can read along with your adventure too.

Oh and by the way, I used up all bar two cards from the deck, which means this was a long game.

I had 6/10 beacon tokens left which meant that I was not close to getting rescued.

And to top it all off, out of 100 d6 (removing any that rolled 1s) used to simulate the jenga tower, I have 1 left!! Just 1!!!

It was drawing all 4 kings that got me, which meant I was killed by the creature (or Xenomorph…it was clearly one of them).

So as the book said in it’s debrief, the chances of my survival were slim to none and I managed to last longer than average I think…