A Space Marine Lost in the Woods

After losing a competition, what is the best way to sulk? Probably walking around the woods? Actually, that might not be the best idea. I could bury the carcass of the losing entry I made.

With it being Earth Day, I decided to visit the local nature preserve – Wesselman Woods. A dear friend of mine works there and my brother and his girlfriend (both of whom entered the painting competition as well) were volunteering, so why not? Plus they had a really good Chinese food truck there for the celebration. Who doesn’t love a good food truck?

I have always been a competitive person, especially when it comes to gaming and my artistic endeavors. Combing the two felt makes for a massive powder keg.

In the world of gaming, I am sadly a midmaxer. I have the most fun finding the most efficient ways to power game. I’ve been called a rules lawyer so many times because I love memorizing rule books (my friend even made up fake business cards for me).

With my artistic ventures, I attend various shows selling my art, sketch books, and self-published comics. If I’m have a bad turn out, I am constantly comparing myself to everyone with bigger turn outs. What are they doing that I’m not? Is my stuff that much worse?

Whenever I have a bad art show, I tend to get inside my head far too much. I overthink things and tend to get rather depressed. I store to myself I wasn’t going to let that happen with this.

Sure, I’m officially 0-1 for painting competitions, but this was as low of stakes as possible. I’m proud of the color scheme I picked, and of the new techniques I learned doing it.

That should be good enough, right?

Perhaps I’m putting too much pressure on myself because of the stupid “goal” I boasted about?

All the people who have won Golden Demons, let alone a Slayer Sword, have years more experience than I do. Hell, some of them have more years under their belts doing this than I’ll ever have the opportunity to.

So why am I comparing myself to their accolades and accomplishments?

Perhaps that is where I am missing the point in my own hobby journey?

Painting miniatures is a fun, somewhat relaxing hobby for me. It lets me take these little toys I play against my friends and family and customize them just a bit to my personality. If I shift the focus too much from that, what is the point?

Maybe the true purpose of my desire to win a painting competition isn’t to compare myself to the legends that of come before, but to compete against myself? We are our own worst enemies after all. If I am proving to myself that I’m better now than I was before, isn’t that better than a massively gorgeous sword?