Middle Earth Mega Project

These three Jolly Chaps have taken time out of their busy schedules of gathering up lost equine livestock, burning excess brushwood and running the local “not for profit” lost property office, to enjoy a quiet barbeque after their hard and well intentioned labours.

This evening of simple cuisine and gentle relaxation is rudely interrupted by a vertically challenged malcontent advocating burglary, and escalated by his 13 stumpy accomplices who are en route to separate an elderly resident in the local mountain  from his savings.

Fortunately our three heroes managed to get the drop on the afore mentioned hooligans, who had just maliciously released the lost ponies that Tom, Bert and William had only just finished capturing and rehousing in a temporary paddock, before the nice Nazgul from the RSPCA could arrive. Still the three chaps showing their common decency conducted non lethal “citizens arrests” on all fourteen stubby yobbos, yobbos who were previously armed to the teeth, when our chaps were left to defend themselves armed with a selection of blunt kitchenalia limited to a large apron, a rolling pin and and a bendy, blunt, biodegradable compostable spork!

Now being subdued, the roving malefactors now unable to physically fight, have resorted to the one last act of low malice, trying to put our valiant vigilantes off their food!

This last act of misconduct consisting of largely incoherent shouting of slanderous obscenities, which boil down to something about having an appalling infestation with all the hideous hall marks of  worms, crabs and an acidic urinal yeast infection. Not the ideal back drop to the sophisticated dinner party and witty reparte that was intended, especially as the tone of obscenity had sank to an all time low, as fungal infections of impressive growth, fruiting bodies and bearding were now the topic of the dwarves saprophytic themed abuse!

As long as there are no disturbances by rogue elements of the Royal Shakespeare Company, they can finally get back to having their now very much over done din-dins!

Before anyone has started eating, Bert raises the subject of ‘did anyone remember to bring the Mordor Branded Factor 1,000 Sunblock’, and then the sound and smell of tobacco riddled, beer soaked flatulence cut through the night as someone clumsily approached through the bushes…….!